19BI Downswing???

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I recently shotted 100NL a few months ago at 23ishBI, and I built up my roll pretty well. I had 50BI a couple of days ago, but had to pay for something so I withdrew $1k. I already didn’t feel comfortable. I’m a BR nit, and 50BI makes me super comfortable. Especially since $100 feels like a lot to me; I’m a broke college student. If I could have delayed my withdrawal, I would have. Then in 3 sessions, over about 20k hands, I went on a huge 19BI downswing. I’ve had 3-4 BI downswings very occasionally, and once a 14BI downswing at 25NL which made me almost want to quit. I did work myself out of that downswing pretty quickly. Maybe 3-5 sessions, and after that I never had anymore than 2-4BI downswings over 200k+ hands total at 25NL/50NL/100NL (excluding my downswing right now of course). Now I’m starting to feel like quitting again somewhat.

I’m just really frustrated. It took me months and months to build my roll, and I’ve been a consistent winner for over 300-400k hands at 25/50/100NL. It just seems crazy that I could go on a 19BI downswing within 20-30k hands. My downswings were usually within 1-4, and they were not often. Most of my sessions are winning/slightly above BE/BE, which I’m very happy about. Months and months of work gone in 3 days. I’m just feeling a lot of shock. Going on that downswing at 25NL felt like a lot at the time, but now here it’s almost $2000. I feel pretty sick.

I’m running way below EV that it’s ridiculous, and keep getting coolered and set-up. I got my KK vs AA 5+ times this week, never sucked out. AA vs KK only once and lost (obviously). And obviously lost 2 KK vs AK; never won. And when I got AK vs KK, which was about 3 times, I always lost. Straight over straight. I had a flush draw to go with it and obviously missed. KK all-in 4-way (had the best hand) and flopped dead on the flop. Constantly getting 2/3-outered for a full stack or almost full stack over and over. I remember I got 2-outered twice in a row back-to-back in 10 minutes on the river for a full stack… Coolered over and over again, etc. I’d say I ran worse than I did on my 14BI downswing at 25NL, which was pretty bad.

I’m feeling kind of sad and demoralized, and I think if I drop below 15BI for 100NL, I might just end up withdrawing and quitting 🙁 . Buy myself a really good new laptop. That gives me a 5BI shot at 100NL. I could always grind again at 50NL, but I think after such a huge hit psychologically and to my bankroll, I’m not sure if I will have the motivation anymore. Anyone have stories of redemption? I don’t really want to quit, but I just feel so demoralized and feel like shit. And if I drop to 15BI, I don’t know if I can grind it out anymore, knowing that 3 sessions pretty much erased months of my work.


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